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Being Scared

My goal for the new year…BE SCARED.  This is not too hard for me.  Most things scare me.  Pushing through the fear is the hard part.  I pushed through some in 2011.  I’m going to try even harder in 2012.

The first thing that comes to mind when I think about pushing through the fear in 2011 is my recent move.  My husband accepted a job in Seattle.  So, a couple days before Thanksgiving we all moved from Baltimore to Seattle.  We left a wonderful family and tons of amazing friends.  I left everyone I train and race with.  I get choked up just thinking about it.  The night before a race will never be the same.

The other fear that comes to mind is the fear of the distance.  I competed in my first half iron distance triathlon in 2011. The Mountaineer.  It was brutal.  I trained harder than I ever had.  It put a lot of stress on me, mentally and physically.   It was also hard on my family.  My husband made a lot of sacrifices.  He’s a fabulous husband.  I trained and trained and trained.  I felt pretty good going into it.  I was scared but felt prepared.

Race weekend arrived.  My mom watched our kids and Brian and I drove to West Virginia.  We checked into the hotel and went to packet pick up.  It was a really small race.  There was no expo or anything.  Pretty mellow and I was fine with that.  There had been some problems with the bike course due to a mudslide so we decided to drive the course.  HUGE mistake.  I was shaking i was so scared.  The hills were insane.  I wanted to pack my bags and go home.  I didn’t think there was any way in the world I could finish.  Turns out it was 6700 ft of elevation gain.  My legs hurt thinking about it.

In the end, I finished.  It took me FOREVER.  5 hours on my bike. Maybe the slowest 13.1 miles in the history of running. But I finished. And I was the only one in my AG to finish. I even got a 1st place award.

One of my proudest moments was crossing the finish line.  I should add that they were taking it down when I finished, but I was still proud.

Enough of 2011. We are on to 2012.  Here are my goals to push through the fear:

  • Try Bikram yoga. I will do this in January.  I’m terrified.  I get claustrophobic just thinking about being in a hot room for 90 minutes.  Not to mention I’m the least flexible person in the world.
  • Actually race my races.  I’m afraid of going too fast and hitting a wall.  I should really pick a race and just plan to DNF.  Go as hard as I can and see what happens. We will see…
  • Join a running or triathlon club.  I need to make some friends here.  That seems like a great way.  I can’t possibly replace my training partners in Baltimore but I can find some to fill in.

I’m sure I’ll have more as the year goes on.