Yesterday was Pnut’s first day at her new school. We call her Pnut because she has always been little….in stature. She is humongous in personality. Anyway, it was her first day at a new school. She is 5 and this is her 3rd first day at a new school. It’s a long story that I’m sure she will discuss with her therapist in the years to come. Back to yesterday. She woke up very early and very excited. As the morning went on she became more and more nervous. She was almost silent on the car ride to school. The only time she is not talking is when she’s sleeping, so I knew she was worried. I asked her if she wanted me to take her into the classroom or just drop her off at the curb (this is what most of the parents do). She thought about it and asked me to drop her off. I pulled up to the curb and got out to help her with her stuff. She put on her backpack, grabbed her lunch and rain boots, gave me a hug/kiss/nibble nose, and was off. I knew she was scared but she was so brave. She walked into her new classroom all by herself. To see this little person with so much courage was amazing to me. I was so very proud of her.
I dropped Pnut off at school this morning and took the little dude to run some errands. I knew I should go to the gym but I really didn’t want to. I hate going to a new gym for the first time. I don’t know where anything is, I feel like people are staring at me, I have no routine, I just don’t like it. While we were out errands I had mentioned something about going to the gym. We finished our shopping and came home for a snack. I’m eating and checking email when Little Dude (I’ve just decided that’s what I’ll call him in the blog. Maybe just LD) says “Go mommy” he’s 2 years old and not a big talker. I asked where he wanted me to go. His reply “Go gym mommy.” I still didn’t want to go and was coming up with reasons not to. I asked why he wanted to go. He said “Gym fun.” It seemed wrong to bribe him to stay home with an episode of Mickey Mouse Club House, so I went up to find some workout clothes. I put on my cute running skirt, a tank top and my Tough Chik t-shirt (more on Tough Chik soon) and headed out.
LD and I played in the racquetball court while we waited for someone to show us around. After 10 minutes of me trying to avoid getting hit with a racket, someone came to save me. Our first stop was the Kid Zone. LD walked in and got right to playing cars. I told him I was going to go for a run and he said goodbye without even looking up. I took my tour, ran for a little while and picked him up. The lady at the Kid Zone told me LD was a very confidant little guy. My heart swelled with pride.
On the drive home I started to think about my children and the people they are becoming. They are both confident and self-assured. How did they get that way? I want to be like them. I don’t want my fear to hold me back. I don’t want my children to learn to be afraid by watching me. I don’t want fear to limit who they can become. I want to be a good role model. So, tomorrow I’m going to walk into a spin class, where I know no one and have no idea how to adjust the bike, and know nothing about Sue, the instructor, and I’m going to get an awesome workout. I am going to be the person I want my children to become.