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Being Scared

My goal for the new year…BE SCARED.  This is not too hard for me.  Most things scare me.  Pushing through the fear is the hard part.  I pushed through some in 2011.  I’m going to try even harder in 2012.

The first thing that comes to mind when I think about pushing through the fear in 2011 is my recent move.  My husband accepted a job in Seattle.  So, a couple days before Thanksgiving we all moved from Baltimore to Seattle.  We left a wonderful family and tons of amazing friends.  I left everyone I train and race with.  I get choked up just thinking about it.  The night before a race will never be the same.

The other fear that comes to mind is the fear of the distance.  I competed in my first half iron distance triathlon in 2011. The Mountaineer.  It was brutal.  I trained harder than I ever had.  It put a lot of stress on me, mentally and physically.   It was also hard on my family.  My husband made a lot of sacrifices.  He’s a fabulous husband.  I trained and trained and trained.  I felt pretty good going into it.  I was scared but felt prepared.

Race weekend arrived.  My mom watched our kids and Brian and I drove to West Virginia.  We checked into the hotel and went to packet pick up.  It was a really small race.  There was no expo or anything.  Pretty mellow and I was fine with that.  There had been some problems with the bike course due to a mudslide so we decided to drive the course.  HUGE mistake.  I was shaking i was so scared.  The hills were insane.  I wanted to pack my bags and go home.  I didn’t think there was any way in the world I could finish.  Turns out it was 6700 ft of elevation gain.  My legs hurt thinking about it.

In the end, I finished.  It took me FOREVER.  5 hours on my bike. Maybe the slowest 13.1 miles in the history of running. But I finished. And I was the only one in my AG to finish. I even got a 1st place award.

One of my proudest moments was crossing the finish line.  I should add that they were taking it down when I finished, but I was still proud.

Enough of 2011. We are on to 2012.  Here are my goals to push through the fear:

  • Try Bikram yoga. I will do this in January.  I’m terrified.  I get claustrophobic just thinking about being in a hot room for 90 minutes.  Not to mention I’m the least flexible person in the world.
  • Actually race my races.  I’m afraid of going too fast and hitting a wall.  I should really pick a race and just plan to DNF.  Go as hard as I can and see what happens. We will see…
  • Join a running or triathlon club.  I need to make some friends here.  That seems like a great way.  I can’t possibly replace my training partners in Baltimore but I can find some to fill in.

I’m sure I’ll have more as the year goes on.

Christy

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About beingmorethanmommy

I'm a 36 year old mom of a 5 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. My husband and I recently moved across the country and we are starting our new lives in the Pacific Northwest. I grew up a swimmer then got into triathlons. I took a break from tri's after I had my children. I've been back into them for a couple years. I also enjoy running and have done a couple half marathons.

7 responses »

  1. You are so stoic and so brave. I think being scared pushes you (and others) to work harder. You are going to go to your next level out there. You are leaving the comfort of your training partners, but remember, you were the catalyst for all of us! YOU pushed me to sign up for the IG. Kim asked you to help her train for the half marathon. You are entering a new chapter, no, a new volume in your life. It may be scary, but it is also going to be exhilirating! Love you, Kel

    P.S. I think you will find that you are concentrating so hard on breathing and doing the poses in bikram, that you will not be claustraphobic. At least, that’s how it is for me. 🙂

    Reply
  2. Christy, congrats on your big move AND the blog! Seriously, that combined with your ridiculous physical achievements is completely inspiring! Good for you and good luck with everything. Also, I have been doing bikram for a couple of years (on and off…breaks with the pregnancies) and believe it or not, I love it. It has been transformative mentally and physically. Don’t get me wrong, it can be tough but I have never once walked out of a studio NOT feeling like I am on a high…it has done wonders for my energy (or the lack thereof due to the kids!). Wishing you all the best xoxoxoxo Can’t believe you’re not on the east coast anymore and we never got a chance to hook up!

    Reply
  3. Louise Schleeweis

    U R an amazing woman!!!!

    Reply
  4. I so enjoyed reading your first entry and look forward to reading more. You are an inspiration. Miss you and love you.

    Reply
  5. Way to go on the big move AND the killer triathlon! I’m going to let you in on a little secret…if something is called “mountaineer” ANYthing there’s probably going to be some BIG hills 🙂

    Bikram yoga is the bomb.

    Wishing you a fab 2012 in your new space…I hear Seattle is pretty awesome 🙂

    Reply

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